


Mind If I Drop Over?

by Larkin21



Series: On My Mind [1]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, Barisi - Freeform, Bi-Carisi, Brief One-sided Rollisi, But a lot of enjoying the dirty side of sex, Casual Relationship, Comeplay, Coming Out, Dirty Talk, Episode Tag, F/M, Friendship, Just a little angst, M/M, Maybe more than casual, Not a lot of comeplay, Smut, Smut and Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-17
Updated: 2017-01-27
Packaged: 2018-09-18 03:16:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9365633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Larkin21/pseuds/Larkin21
Summary: Episode 18x08 (Chasing Theo) reaction fic.What happens after Sonny cooks for Amanda, and the night he has later with Rafael.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might seem like a Rollisi story at first but it's not. I love their friendship and I can see one or both of them maybe wondering if they shouldn't see if there's more there but this story is ultimately Barisi.
> 
> This chapter should be considered teen for language. ~~I might change the rating for the next chapter but there probably won't be a lot of smut. We'll see.~~ I've changed the rating. There's a lot of smut in the next chapter.
> 
> This is completely unbeta'ed. Please feel free to point out any mistakes you notice or share constructive criticism.

Jesse fell asleep on Sonny’s shoulder not ten minutes after Amanda handed her over when she finished breast feeding. Sonny knew that Amanda would usually grouse about Jesse settling down so well for him but tonight, Amanda seemed to decide that she had had enough of Sonny’s empathetic pep talks. She just thanked him as he quietly took Jesse to the nursery and she already had the TV tuned to _Bravo_ when he came back to the living room.

“I see you found the _worst_ of the bad TV,” Sonny said when he returned to the living room and plopped down in the arm chair that had become his regular seat at Amanda’s.

“Don’t make promises you don’t want to keep, Sonny,” Amanda said, not taking her eyes off the TV. “You know this is my favorite show.”

Sonny smiled. He still loved that she called him ‘Sonny’ when they were at her place. It had started the first time he cooked for her when she was on bed-rest before Jesse was born. When he made a big deal about it, Amanda threatened to tell everyone that he teared up when he accidentally washed (and ruined) his favorite Mets hat. Of course, the reason that happened at all is because he was doing her laundry on his Saturday off, because Amanda wasn’t up to doing it herself. Sonny had jokingly threatened to never do laundry, or cook, for her again if she told the squad that he had cried over a hat.

And that was the end of it. Neither of them made another comment about Amanda calling him ‘Sonny’ and she continued to only ever call him that when it was just the two of them at her apartment.

“I know this is your favorite _Thursday_ show,” Sonny joked, laughing a bit as he gently used his foot to push Amanda’s legs off the coffee table. She picked up the nearest dog toy and chucked it at him, which he easily batted away. It would have been much more satisfying if Amanda’s attention wasn’t already back on the show. Sonny rolled his eyes and pushed himself up from the couch to go open a bottle of wine. If he was going to keep Amanda company through some bad TV, he needed a drink.

Sonny came back to a commercial. And to Frannie in his seat, looking at him innocently when Sonny raised his eyebrows at her. She didn’t budge.

“There is room on the couch, Sonny,” Amanda teased as she took the offered glass of wine.

“Yeah, well, I worry about my personal safety when I have to walk in front of the TV while your show is on,” Sonny replied as he stepped over Amanda’s outstretched legs and sat beside her in the middle of the couch. Amanda was mid-drink when she stopped and just looked at him, glass still to her lips and a questioning look in her eyes.

Sonny felt his smile fall away. He didn’t know what to make of this look but she clearly picked up on his change of expression and she averted her eyes as she finished her sip. 

“You make me out to be way worse than I am,” she told him lightly, shaking her head. And then, like it was a challenge or something, she picked up the remote, clicked mute and put both the remote and her glass on the coffee table. When she turned back to Sonny, she was smiling but not her normal smile. Something was off but Sonny smiled back anyway, just a bit uneasy.

Before he knew it, Amanda was leaning in and her lips were on his, her hands at the back of his neck, then her leg over his lap, then Amanda on his lap. Sonny kissed her back and it was good. It felt good to feel her mouth open and her tongue against his lips. But then she pulled at his hair at the nape of his neck and it was just the jolt Sonny needed.

“Amanda, wait.” Sonny took her by the shoulders and pushed her gently away, but not too far. Just enough so that he could focus on her face. He sighed as he rubbed her arms. 

“You should know something,” he said as he looked down at his hands still holding her, just briefly, before looking her in the eye again. “Ah, I'm bi.”

Amanda swung her leg around and away from him, dropping down beside him and off his lap. She pushed her hair back with both hands and Sonny knew that she was confused. More than that, she was pissed. Amanda pushed herself up from the couch and then rounded on him. 

“Why on earth wouldn’t you tell me, oh, I don’t know, anytime in the last ... _anytime_ we’ve hung out?” Oh yeah, she was really pissed. Amanda flustered like this was something Sonny associated with her interactions with her family, not with him. “Are you …? Are you dating someone?” 

Suddenly Amanda was standing perfectly calm, but leaning over Sonny. It did nothing to calm him. 

“What the fuck, Amanda? You don’t ask me that when you think I’m straight but now you know I’m bi, I must be seeing somebody?” Sonny knew he was lashing out but this was not the reaction he expected to coming out to her. Of course, he never thought he’d come out to her after she kissed him, but still. “Bi people are too sex crazy to be single, uh?”

“Oh, fuck you,” Amanda spat. She turned her back on him and circled behind Sonny's regular chair, where Frannie was now sitting up, eyes glued on her mom. “You know that’s not what I mean. I’m just trying to understand why you’d tell me _right now_. I thought we were friends, for Christ’s sake!” 

Amanda glared at him as she pushed against the chair, clutching at the back of it, agitated again. 

Sonny took a breath, not wanting to say the wrong thing but needing to be honest and clear. “Yeah, Amanda. Friends. And not once in our friendship have we talked about who we hook-up with, other than you telling me that Jesse isn’t Nick’s.” 

Amanda’s eyes widened and she opened her mouth in a silent yell and, yeah, bringing up Nick and the unknown father of Jesse … clearly the wrong thing to say. 

“Wait, Amanda,” Sonny said, raising his hand in surrender but forcing himself to stay seated. “That’s not the point. The point is that we don’t have _that_ kind of friendship.” 

“' _That_ kind of friendship?’” Amanda asked, complete with air quotes and more pacing, her voice rising as she spoke. “What was I supposed to think, you being there when I need you, cooking for me, helping with Jesse, doing my damn laundry?” 

“I can promise you,” Sonny started slowly, hands moving in what he hoped was a calming way, “I wasn’t trying to lead you on. And I’m not saying I’m not interested either,” he continued quickly when Amanda opened her mouth to interrupt. “I’m just saying … we never talked about our sex lives. Why should I be the one to cross that line just because I’m as likely to be with a man as with a woman?”

“That's a bullshit excuse for not telling me and you know it.”

“Whatever happened to queer people being able to come out to who they wanted to, when they wanted to?” Sonny was getting frustrated. Why was Amanda so hung up on him not telling her before now?

“That's not fair, Sonny. To do it as a way to, to …” 

“Amanda, come on! I've been working SVU long enough to know that it's a bad idea to omit certain parts of your sexual life from someone you might, you know, have sex with.” 

“So you've been coming over for months now and this was the first time you thought we ' _might_ , you know, have sex?'” And back with the air quotes again.

They were both losing their tempers, and taking what the other was saying in the worst possible way. Sonny forced himself to take another breath. 

“Yeah, Amanda. I like you. I thought that you just needed a friend, and the fact that I can cook and that I'm good with kids is an added bonus. I wasn't going to even think about anything beyond that unless you clearly wanted something else. And since we have been doing this so long, I thought I was right. That you didn't want more.” 

Amanda looked at him, exasperated, before she walked to the front door, grabbing his coat from the rack in one swift motion on her way. She swung the door open and held out his coat, eyes cast down. 

“I think you should go, Carisi. I'll see you tomorrow.”

Sonny started to open his mouth to fight it as he stood from the couch and crossed to the door in a few long strides. Before he could think of what to say, Amanda leveled him with a look and he knew she was right. They were just getting angry. They needed to walk away. 

He leaned over to kiss her cheek, wondering fleetingly if she might rip his lips right off, and he kept his eyes on her face. He saw her expression soften and one side of her mouth quirk in a barely-there begrudging smile as he pulled away. 

“I'll see you tomorrow, Amanda.” He didn't emphasize her name. He didn't have to. She would catch it. She would understand that it hurt him that she would call him ‘Carisi’ because of an argument. 

They made eye contact as he lingered in her hallway. Sonny smiled slightly and tried to keep the worry and hurt out of his expression. He almost hoped that she'd invite him back in, just to clear the air. But he knew she was too stubborn for that, not to mention that they both needed some space.

And just as that fact crossed his mind, she just gave him a small nod of the head before gently shutting the door with a soft _click_. 

He gave himself a moment to sigh and he felt his shoulders sag. He didn't realize he had been holding himself so tensely until she shut the door. Turning down the hall to head for the stairwell, he pulled out his phone and selected a name high on his frequently contacted list. 

 _Mind if I drop over?_ He punched out and sent. 

The reply came immediately.

_Just got home. Come on._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really do love their friendship. And I love this moment from 18x08:
> 
> _“I know what you’re thinking, Amanda, and you’re wrong. You’re a great mother.”_  
> 
> _“I’m not so sure.”_
> 
> _“Well I am.”_
> 
> _“I- It just gets lonely sometimes.”_
> 
> _“Jesse still up?”_
> 
> _“Yeah, uh, sitter said she was.”_
> 
> _“Alright, well let’s go get some groceries. I’m going to make spaghetti for all three of us and then we are going to watch some terrible reality TV. I mean, it is going to be so bad.”_
> 
> _“You got nothing better to do?”_
> 
> _“No I do not.”_
> 
> _“Okay.”_
> 
> _“Take your coat. Let’s go.”_
> 
> _“Okay.”_
> 
> _“Come on.”_
> 
> Sonny undoubtedly cares for Amanda. A lot. But I'm not sure his interest is romantic or sexual (although I know that SVU might take it that way). Amanda, not used to attention from men that's not sexual, might start to get confused as she watches Sonny with her daughter and has Sonny in her home so much, helping her and taking care of her. Thus, this chapter.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny goes to Rafael's to talk about his argument with Amanda. And they do talk. A lot. And they have some sex too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've only ever written smut one other time, as part of an incomplete, never-shared story for another fandom. So I'm a little nervous posting this. I knew I'd write some smut for this story but I thought I'd just hint at the rest of it. That is until one line changed my mind. See the end notes if you're wondering which line that is :)
> 
> Thanks so much for the kudos on chapter one. This is an amazing fandom and I'm excited to make a contribution to it. I hope you enjoy the rest of my first Barisi fic.

If he were just going to his own empty home, Sonny probably would have walked the twenty some blocks to get there. He would have taken the seven flights of stairs to his apartment. Time to think, time to clear his head. But he wasn't going to his own empty home. And he didn't want to take extra time getting there.

So Sonny hailed a cab, tipped well, and, after being buzzed in, he took the elevator to the twelfth floor. Rafael answered the door moments after Sonny’s knock.

He looked good. Tired, often tired, but always good, with his smirk in place, his jacket and tie off, and his vest and the first couple holes of his shirt unbuttoned.

Sonny smiled at him gently, glad that he had gotten there before Rafael had gotten too comfortable, wanting to talk before anything else. Rafael, though, had other ideas.

He grabbed Sonny by the left lapel, pulled him across the threshold, and had the door shut and Sonny’s back against it, in what felt like one motion. He didn’t wait a moment before he pushed against Sonny, thigh thrust between his legs, and kissed him hard.

Sonny kissed back for a moment, opening his mouth to Rafael before he remembered that he wanted to talk. He placed a still palm on Rafael's chest.

That's all it took for Rafael to know that Sonny wanted them to stop. He pulled away and looked down at where his own hands clutched Sonny's coat before he met Sonny's eyes.

“Is it the recovered boy?” Rafael asked quietly.

Sonny was thrown for a short moment but then he smiled in understanding.

He and Rafael had first started hooking up after running into each other at a bar in Rafael’s neighborhood on the same night that the grand jury had come back with the Man 1 indictments for Donlan and Campesi. After going to the hospital to pay his respects to the uni murdered that same night, Sonny had intentionally stopped at the bar that he had heard Rafael mention in passing. To get away from the cops and to hopefully see Barba.

Their _thing_ , as Rafael usually referred to it, was slow moving. They saw each other about once a month at first, more or less, for about eight months. After Rafael’s death threats, they started to see each other fairly regularly, about once or twice every couple of weeks, progressively (and still slowly) more often as time went by.

A couple of times Sonny had been unable to keep himself from Rafael when he’d wanted some comfort after a bad case, like the Father Eugene case and the case just a week ago when he was almost killed. Rafael always gave Sonny what he needed in those moments, but Sonny never wanted to push his luck and seem too needy by making it a habit.

“No,” Sonny answered with a shake of his head. “Although that reunion is far from a happy ending. That kid would be better off with the nanny.”

“You regretting finding him?” Voice gentle still, but more distracted as he started slowly unbuttoning Sonny's coat.

“Nah, of course not. This isn’t a confusing gray area. Theo belongs with his family, until DCS decides otherwise, not because someone thinks she'd make a better parent to him.”

“Hmm,” Rafael agreed absentmindedly, hands going to Sonny’s tie, removing the clip and slipping it in Sonny’s pant pocket. He started loosening the tie as he softly asked, “Then what's wrong?”

Sonny sighed. “It's Rollins.”

“Oh? What about _Rollins_?” Rafael’s voice was still quiet but his tone turned playful. His expression had hardly changed. His mouth was still serious, worried, but his eyes danced, laughing at Sonny.

Sonny would always marvel at Rafael's face and its ability to compartmentalize. The look alone let Sonny know that he was on thin ice, but without a clue as to how he had gotten there or if a crack in that ice would just lead to playful mocking or possibly something far worse, like a shouting match or the withholding of sex.

In the course of their casual, convenient relationship, Rafael had never even threatened to withhold sex, perhaps the thought not occurring to him no matter how annoyed he was with Sonny. The knowledge that it _could_ happen, though, was enough for Sonny to tread carefully whenever Rafael became unreadable. Except this time.

“What's that supposed to mean, Rafael?” He asked sharply.

“You tell me?” Still teasing, still not giving anything away.

Sonny rolled his eyes and decided to power through. “She kissed me and we had a fight.”

Rafael squinted at Sonny for a moment before he suddenly yanked the loose tie out from under Sonny's collar.

“She must not know what she's doing if kissing you leads to a fight,” Rafael said, and he smirked at Sonny and started unbuttoning his shirt, with the coat and jacket both still on. Sonny pushed away from the door and Rafael before he had opened the fourth button.

“Come on, Rafael,” Sonny groaned as he walked into the living room and started pacing. “I’m serious and you're just trying to get in my pants.”

“And why shouldn't I?” Rafael leaned a shoulder against the wall where the hallway opened up into his living room. “That's what we do, isn't it?”

Sonny stopped pacing. This time, he was the one to narrow his eyes, unsure if Rafael was being intentionally dismissive, hurtful.

“Not after you were upset over Hank Abraham. And not after the death threats,” Sonny paused, remembering. “Well, not immediately after.”

“Are you equating a spat with Rollins to child pornography and death threats?” Rafael sounded incredulous but he continued to lean casually against the wall.

“Of course I'm not. I'm just saying that I've been there for you, more than just sexually.”

“It's not my fault,” Rafael responded nonchalantly, picking at a nail, “that when you're feeling down, your favorite distraction is my dick in your ass.”

Sonny swallowed and he felt his cock twitch. That was a good point. God, he was easy.

“Well, not this time,” he answered resolutely.

Rafael just raised an eyebrow at that and waited before finally motioning Sonny to continue with a simple roll of his wrist.

“I came out to her. After she kissed me. She freaked out.”

“Hmm.” Rafael pushed himself away from the wall and gathered up his coat that was laying over the back of a chair. Sonny feared he was about to walk out but he only went to hang the coat in the hall closet. Sonny just watched.

“Come on, Sonny,” Rafael snapped. “You clearly want to talk about this. So talk. And give me your coat.”

“I don't wanna to just talk into the void,” Sonny answered as he took off his coat and crossed to the closet to hand it over. “You're not even listening.”

Rafael silently hung Sonny's coat up, slammed the closet door, and strode towards the kitchen, calling over his shoulder as he went.

“I know that I was the one to say that we shouldn't be exclusive but that doesn't mean I have to be happy listening to you talk about your exploits. But I am listening.”

“Exploits? Rafael, it was a kiss!” Sonny cried as he followed Rafael into the kitchen and watched him open a bottle of scotch. “I'm not even getting into the specifics of the kiss. I'm trying to talk to you about how Amanda reacted to me being bi.”

“Then talk, Sonny. But don't expect me to pull this conversation out of you.”

Sonny stared, jaw working. He shook his head and turned away. “I gotta take a piss.” And he left the kitchen. He heard the liquor cabinet door shut loudly as he closed the bathroom door.

Sonny didn't piss. He leaned over the sink and stared in the mirror. What the hell was happening? First Amanda, now Rafael. He turned on the water and splashed his face a couple of times before washing his hands.

He stood at the sink, water dripping from his face as he tried to piece over what had and hadn’t been said with Rafael. But he couldn’t make sense of anything.

Unless Rafael was pissed that he wasn’t already balls deep in Sonny.

Which, well, yeah … that sounded good to Sonny too. But he didn’t want to believe that Rafael was a big enough asshole to be that angry about waiting for sex when Sonny was clearly upset over his fight with Amanda.

Amanda.

Rafael was ready to talk about the case tonight, he always was. Those other times, Sonny had been the one who not-so-subtly turned the conversation to sex when he just needed the distraction. But now that Sonny wants to talk about Amanda?

So it’s either Amanda specifically, who Rafael had acted a little strangely about ever since Sonny stood up for her during that Sean Roberts case, or the potential of another sexual partner in general that caused Rafael to become so dismissive and confrontational.

Only Rafael Barba could be dismissive and confrontational at the same time.

Sonny dried his face and hands and steeled himself for a conversation that he wasn’t sure he wanted to have. He wasn’t even sure what the conversation was, for that matter.

When he returned, Rafael was on the sofa, elbow on the armrest and a glass of scotch held loosely in his hand. He had taken off the vest but his suspenders were still on. He glanced at Sonny and jerked his head up in a nod. Sonny passed him and sat to his right.

The two just looked at each other for a moment.

Maybe five seconds. It felt longer.

“You okay?” Sonny asked. That wasn’t what he was going to say. He wasn’t sure what he was going to say when he walked out of the bathroom but it wasn’t that.

“Yes, I’m fine,” Rafael said with a short shake of his head. “I’m sorry. Tell me what happened.”

Sonny looked at him again, brows furrowed. Rafael nodded, eyes closed briefly, sincere.

Sonny took a breath.

“I stopped the kiss. I told her that I’m bi. She freaked. I … she was so upset that I was telling her _now_. Like I owed it to her to tell her sooner or something.”

“Not an uncommon response to someone coming out,” Rafael said reasonably. He turned his body towards Sonny, shifting to get more comfortable and give Sonny his attention. “She wouldn’t be the first person to make someone else’s coming out be about them.”

Sonny frowned. “Maybe. I wouldn’t have thought of it that way. But maybe.”

“How would you have thought of it?” It wasn’t a challenge. It was an honest question.

Another sigh. “I’m still not sure what to think of it. She was pissed. Immediately. And yeah, I can see how she’d think we had gotten closer. We have. But it just never came up. Neither one of us has ever come on to the other. Until tonight. And we don’t talk about our sex lives or love interests.”

“When did you and Rollins start getting friendly? I mean, outside of work?”

“I don’t know,” he paused. “I guess in the month or so after I found out she was pregnant?”

“So not long before we started hooking up?” Rafael asked, all too knowingly.

“What’s your point, Counselor?”

Rafael titled his head back and forth for a moment, looking up, before he locked eyes with Sonny. “Well, at the risk of making this about me … do you think you would have come out to her sooner if we weren’t sleeping together?”

“What? No!” Sonny squinted at Rafael. He looked like he actually felt uncomfortable … guilty? Sonny reached out and put his hand on Rafael’s knee. “Why is it so hard to believe that it _never_ came up? That we didn’t talk about that kind of stuff?”

“She didn’t see it that way.”

“Amanda wasn't thinking clearly,” Sonny’s hands started gesturing emphatically. “She was just pissed. I pushed her away after she kissed me and I told her I’m bi. She felt …” Sonny’s eyes widened. His hands stopped in mid-air before dropping to his lap. He knew he must look ridiculous but he didn’t know how he had missed this. “I think she took it as a rejection.”

Rafael inclined his head as though he understood. And then, “She does know that you being bi doesn’t exclude her as a sexual partner, doesn’t she?” He was smirking. He just couldn’t help himself.

Sonny snorted and laid his hand back on Rafael’s knee. He couldn’t help himself either.

“But I don’t understand the rejection either,” Sonny continued, refocused on Amanda’s anger. “I told her that I wasn’t uninterested. I told her that I had thought she just needed a friend.”

“So you told her you weren’t _uninterested_ and that you viewed her as a friend? That’s some lukewarm friend-zoning, Detective. I can see why she’d read it as a rejection,” Rafael paused and his fingers found Sonny’s on his knee. “Unless you are interested?”

His voice sounded completely casual. Not overly indifferent nor too eager. Other than the gentle brush against Sonny's fingers, it sounded like a question without an agenda. But those fingers …

Sonny wanted to be honest and clear but he couldn't wrap his head around the night’s events. And he wasn’t sure what he could reveal to Rafael.

“I honestly haven’t let myself think of her that way,” Sonny said heavily. “It’d be easier, in so many ways, to just leave things as they are.”

“Might be too late for that. I respect that you don’t want to reject her but sometimes the kindest thing is to do one or else the other. Instead of letting it drag out.”

Sonny nodded, watching Rafael’s fingers still skimming over his own.

"Is that … do you …” Sonny stopped. Rafael was looking at him intently. Sonny pulled his hand away. It was starting to sweat. He rubbed it against his own pants and steeled himself. “If that’s what we’re doing- if we’re letting _us_ drag out-” 

Sonny bit his lip, more nervous in front of Rafael than he was when they first met. Rafael leaned forward and kissed his bottom lip. Kissed his biting teeth. And pulled back.

“Sonny,” Rafael was smiling slightly. 

His expression could only be described as indulgent. Shit, was he going to break up with Sonny? 

No, not with the smile.

“I swear to God, Sonny, I wasn’t trying to make this conversation about us.”

And he laughed, not unkindly. It still took Sonny off guard. It still bothered him.

“Yeah, well, that’s where we are,” he answered shortly.

That sobered Rafael up. His entire face turned serious. No compartmentalizing. He nodded to Sonny.

They looked at each other again. Sonny started to feel like it was a game of chicken. A reverse game, where the braver had to go first.

Sonny had thought about this for a long time. Long before this night. Amanda didn’t change his feelings. But maybe she did jumpstart Rafael. Maybe she made him realize that Sonny might not always be available.

Maybe Rafael was ready to hear it.

“I know what I want,” Sonny stated plainly, suddenly far less nervous. “I want you. Not anyone else.”

Sonny looked into Rafael’s eyes. He left the unasked question hanging between them.

“So this is it?” Rafael asked quietly. “All or nothing?”

Sonny paused. He didn’t want to put it that way. He didn’t want to pressure Rafael, or to end what they had if Rafael wasn’t ready to commit.

He just had hoped.

“Nah. I guess I just want you to know where I stand.” Honest and clear, no pressure.

Rafael nodded, considering.

“You have every right to know where I stand, too. And Sonny, I haven’t seen anyone else since about five months after our thing started,” he blew out a breath, calculating. “I mean, for the past _year_. But-”

“No, it’s okay. I get it.” Sonny gave Rafael a small smile, trying to hide his hurt and disappointment. “I don’t plan on seeing anyone else. Just so you know. No pressure. Just where I am.”

“And Rollins?”

“You know how much I care about her but no, I’m not interested.”

Sonny paused. Afraid he might push too far but this was important to him. And part of him also wanted some kind of concession from Rafael.

“I’d like to tell her that I’m seeing someone. That it’s been casual and I want to see if it goes anywhere but it’s too soon to say who. What do ya think?”

“I think that's fair,” Rafael answered quickly, like he knew that he owed Sonny that much.

Rafael looked at Sonny, another unreadable expression. His mouth was pursed, poised to speak, but his eyes were unsure and questioning.

Sonny smiled in what he hoped was a reassuring way. This was enough, for now.

Rafael still seemed worried.

Sonny reached forward and placed his hand on the same leg he had rested it on earlier, but much higher on Rafael’s thigh. Rafael’s eyes followed Sonny’s hand.

“Does this mean I can get in your pants now?”

When he looked back up, Rafael’s eyes were darker but nothing else in his expression had changed. Even so, Sonny didn’t think that was what he was going to say before Sonny’s touch.

Sonny decided to let it go.

He rolled his eyes. Rafael laughed and pulled Sonny into a kiss, his hands in Sonny’s hair. Sonny leaned forward into the kiss, his hand pushing up Rafael’s thigh as Sonny brought his upper body closer to Rafael’s. The angle wasn’t quite right for their chests to touch so Sonny focused on palming Rafael’s crotch as he sucked on Rafael’s tongue.

He pulled his mouth away when he found that Rafael was almost fully hard already.

“Have you been this hard this whole time?” Sonny asked quietly, darkly.

“I’ve missed you these last couple of days, Detective. I got - uh -,” Rafael stuttered as Sonny ground his hand down on him. “Uh - I got half-hard just from your text. Yeah. That’s right,” he encouraged Sonny’s continued pressure even as he explained. “You can’t let me kiss you like that and not expect it to affect me. You can’t visibly react when I casually mention my dick in your ass and expect me to not stay hard for a little longer. I mean, I’m only hum-”

“Rafael, shut the fuck up,” Sonny said and he kissed Rafael again. Rafael loved to talk. And Sonny loved to hear it but, in that very moment, he wanted to kiss him more.

Besides, despite his desperate voice, Rafael was being sarcastic. He had to be. A couple of days apart was nothing to them. Sure, they’d started seeing more and more of each other but still. Rafael was exaggerating for effect and while Sonny appreciated it on a certain level, he preferred dirty talk that didn’t fuck with his brain. His brain wanted to believe that it was about seeing Sonny in general, not just about wanting to get in Sonny’s pants.

The dirty talk had been one of the many wonderful surprises that came with sleeping with Rafael. Sonny had decided later, after a few separate rounds of sex with copious amounts of dirty talk directed at him, that he shouldn’t be surprised that a passionate lawyer would also be passionate during sex. Or that he’d be amazing with words in bed just as he was in the courtroom. Sonny just wasn’t expecting the wonderful filth that often poured out of Rafael’s mouth.

Right now, though, he just wanted to feel Rafael. As he continued to kiss him, Sonny quickly pulled his suspenders off his arms. Rafael’s hands were at Sonny’s belt, fumbling more than usual with the buckle and his fly. Sonny already had Rafael’s shirt unbuttoned and trousers open by the time Rafael pulled Sonny’s shirt out of his pants.

Seeming to have noticed that he was falling behind, Rafael broke the kiss so he could concentrate on getting to more of Sonny’s skin, taking advantage of the buttons he had undone at Sonny’s neck earlier to simply pull the dress shirt over Sonny’s head. Sonny had to let go of Rafael’s undershirt to help get his wrists out of his own still-buttoned sleeves.

It had been a while since Rafael had been this frantic to get to Sonny. Rafael was always game and clearly couldn’t get enough of fucking Sonny but tonight, it was like he had been denied a special treat for far too long.

Once Sonny was free of his dress shirt, he and Rafael took off their own undershirts and Rafael was immediately on Sonny, pushing him down, Sonny's back flat on the couch, and attaching his lips to Sonny’s collarbone. He worked his mouth to Sonny’s right nipple as his hands started pushing at Sonny’s pants and underwear, moaning when Sonny lifted his hips to allow the clothing to slide past his ass.

The waistband of his underwear caught on his dick but Rafael was quick to reach into his boxer briefs as he mouthed over to Sonny’s left nipple, licking and sucking. Sonny became very aware of his own quickening heart rate as he buried his hands in Rafael’s hair, as Rafael grasped him to ease him out of his underwear, as he moaned and arched his back into Rafael’s mouth on his chest and thrust his hips into Rafael's hand on his prick.

Rafael wasn’t the only one feeling desperate.

And just as that thought crossed his mind, Rafael sat up and pulled his hands away.

“What? No, get back here,” Sonny demanded, reaching for Rafael’s wrists. Rafael deftly evaded him, though, and smirked as he reached for Sonny’s feet and removed his shoes without untying the laces. Rafael’s own shoes were already off, probably had been since before Sonny arrived, so Rafael focused on pulling off Sonny’s socks, then, in one swift jerk, his pants and boxer briefs.

Sonny’s erection bobbed near his stomach and Rafael leaned forward to lick a stripe up it, from balls to tip, and he sucked briefly on the head before pulling back completely to step out of his own pants and briefs.

Sonny started to sit up but Rafael pushed him back down, leaning over him with one foot on the ground, his other thigh between Sonny’s legs.

“Come on, Raf,” Sonny gasped as he felt Rafael’s upper thigh against his dick, Rafael’s own dick on his hip. “Let’s get to the bedroom.”

Rafael shook his head. “No, I’m not going to make it that long,” he said, voice deep and husky. “We’re going to do it here. Rut against each other here until we’re coming all over each other.”

Sonny groaned and he thrust against Rafael again. He loved Rafael’s mouth. All they were doing was grinding like a couple of teenagers but Rafael made it sound like the dirtiest, hottest thing they could do. Rafael ground down on him, using his foot on the ground for leverage and control. Still, Sonny was disappointed.

“But - sh-shit,” Sonny faltered as he watched Rafael lick his hand and then slide it between them. He couldn’t even remember what he wanted to say, just felt Rafael’s cock lineup with his own and Rafael’s large hand circling around both of them.

“But what Sonny?”

Sonny just moaned and thrust in response. Then his mouth opened in a silent cry when Rafael briefly rubbed his palm harshly over the head of both of their erections. Rafael smirked, his eyes locked on Sonny’s. Sonny couldn’t have looked away if he wanted to when Rafael looked at him like that.

“What is it?” Rafael prodded when Sonny still couldn’t find his voice. “I told you I’m too far gone, Sonny. Fuck, yeah,” Rafael started pumping in earnest and continued thrusting against Sonny. Sonny didn’t have to move at all, but his hips kept snapping up, unable to still even though the friction Rafael was providing was almost too much. Sonny wasn’t going to last long either.

One of Sonny’s hands found Rafael’s ass and started pulling him more. He could feel the tension from the foot still on the floor, pushing through Rafael’s ass as he ground their cocks together. Precome was making the slide of Rafael’s hand effortless but then Sonny’s other hand snaked between their bodies to join Rafael’s furious pumping, his dry hand bringing a shocking moment of friction before he rubbed over the slit of Rafael’s cock and spread the precome over his own fingers and palm.

“I know, baby. I know you were hoping to have my cock tonight.” Shit, did Sonny love when Rafael started using terms of endearment like baby and sweetheart while they were fucking. Rafael never used words like that outside of sex and it always sounded so dirty to Sonny. Even when Rafael called him a slut, something that Sonny was shocked to get off on more than any of Rafael’s talking, Sonny still somehow felt a strange mix of downright filthy and surprisingly safe and protected.

“I’m always hoping for your cock, Rafael,” Sonny told him through gasping breaths.

Rafael’s free hand flew from the armrest behind Sonny’s head to Sonny’s right peck. He pushed himself up more, his elbow locking as he squeezed at Sonny’s chest. This changed the angle of Rafael’s hips and it was easier for both of them to continue pumping together, but impossible for Sonny to keep his hand on Rafael’s ass. Instead, he trailed his hand around to the front of Rafael, combing his hand up through his pubic hair and to his belly, where it rested, as much as a hand could rest while Rafael thrust. The friction from his happy trail on Sonny’s palm felt electrifying.

“Yeah, I know you do, sweetheart,” Rafael continued to massage Sonny’s chest, eyes roving over him and down to their joined hands, watching their cocks squeeze through them and back, again and again. “Fuck, you look amazing.” Sonny moaned and his abs fluttered and his hips twitched. “Yeah, come on.”

“Rafael, please,” Sonny gasped. He didn’t even know what he wanted anymore.

“Please?” Rafael answered, panting and breathless too. “What do you want, Sonny? Do you want me to come on you? Make you dirty before you come?”

“Hnngh,” Sonny answered, thrusting more with each word.

“Or do you want me to put my dick in your pretty mouth? It’s not - yeah - it’s not like you can - fuck - talk right now anyway.”

Sonny’s body went rigid. His eyes rolled back for a moment and his hips snapped up as he spurted through his and Rafael’s hands, onto his own chest. Rafael kept pumping and thrusting against Sonny, and he pressed forward, close to Sonny, hand back on the armrest and Sonny’s come hitting his own chest.

“Fuck, Sonny, you’re beautiful. You feel so good. So - ugh - so good.” Sonny was used to these declarations by now. Things that Rafael would never say explicitly outside of sex, or even when just fooling around, working up to sex. But almost always said when one (or both) of them was about to come. It felt great to hear but he knew it didn't mean more than the fact that Rafael loved getting off with him.

Rafael started to pant more and he pushed Sonny’s hand away and let go of himself just enough for Sonny’s softening dick to slide out of his hand. Sonny felt a couple more spurts release from himself and heard Rafael groan as it landed right on his cock. And then Sonny’s whole body went slack, relaxed, satisfied. He looked up, eyes glued to Rafael’s face.

Rafael pushed himself up again, practically standing over Sonny, but with his one knee still between Sonny’s thighs. Sonny licked his lips and Rafael groaned and pumped two more times before spilling onto Sonny’s chest and neck, even hitting Sonny’s chin. Sonny kept watching Rafael’s face, contorted in pleasure as he continued to pump through his orgasm.

Rafael watched Sonny too, watched Sonny's hands start to play with their come mingling on Sonny’s chest, even as Rafael continued to come on him. And with one final “Fuck,” Rafael was spent. He let go of himself and leaned forward to kiss Sonny’s chin and lick up the come there. To push the come hotly into Sonny's mouth.

Rafael pulled away sooner than Sonny wanted him to. Sonny grabbed him by the shoulders in an attempt to bring their mouths back together but Rafael resisted. How Rafael had the strength to resist after coming so spectacularly, Sonny would never know.

Rafael smirked down at Sonny and aligned their hips. He pushed gently against Sonny's sensitive crotch and smiled widely as Sonny hissed. He pulled his hips away again, done tormenting Sonny for now.

Instead, he pushed Sonny to the edge of the couch and wedged himself between Sonny and the back of the couch, his front pressed to Sonny's side. His hand began to stroke up and down Sonny's stomach and chest, and his head rested on Sonny's shoulder.

Sonny lay there for a moment and stared at the ceiling while he felt the prickling sensation of the come drying on his skin even as Rafael moved it around. He felt Rafael's breathing even out and slow down.

“Rafael, I swear, if you go to sleep on me,” but he left the threat unfinished as he felt Rafael’s chest shake briefly with quiet laughter.

“Shhh, relax,” Rafael answered, his voice still seductive, just more quietly so now that he wasn’t trying to get them off. “Just lay here a bit. Then we’ll clean up and go to bed.”

Sonny nodded and let one leg fall off the couch. Rafael’s cock stirred against him. Clearly he had seen his legs spread and Sonny had to snort at him.

“Down boy,” he joked flatly, unable to muster much energy for proper teasing.

“Don’t worry, I’m spent,” Rafael sighed, although he did not sound as spent as Sonny did.

They lay like that a bit longer and Sonny started to feel his eyes get heavy as Rafael continued to stroke through the dried come, now flaking off a bit in his hand’s wake.

Rafael must have sensed that Sonny was fading because he suddenly tickled his fingers firmly into Sonny's side, causing Sonny to actually squeal and almost fall off the sofa. His leg already off the couch saved him, though, and his seized Rafael's wrists in his own hands.

“You enjoy that way too much,” Sonny groaned as his looked into Rafael's amused face and pulled him up and off the couch, wrists still held tightly. Rafael tried to twist against Sonny’s thumbs but Sonny knew that trick and held firm.

“You know I’ll let you go if you promise to stop tickling.”

Rafael actually pouted a bit at that and Sonny laughed out loud, pressed a quick kiss to the pout. When he pulled away Rafael was looking at him fondly.

This was why Sonny often stared at the ceiling after sex. Not every time but certainly when he was feeling emotionally raw. Rafael didn’t always get sappy on him but he did enough for Sonny to know that it had been a possibility. Sonny wasn't sure he could take it after his own confession, and Rafael’s inability to match it.

Luckily, the look quickly formed into a smirk, so quickly that Sonny wasn’t sure if the fondness had really been there at all.

Shaking his head, Sonny started walking backwards with Rafael pulled behind him, a kind of frog march, inverted from what Sonny often did from behind a person he had arrested. He smirked when Rafael tripped a bit over Sonny’s feet.

“Alright, alright, Detective, I give,” Rafael said, laughing at their awkward feet.

Sonny gave Rafael’s wrists one last squeeze before releasing him and quickly ducking into the bathroom. Rafael followed him and Sonny turned on the warm water. They both grabbed a washcloth, wet them, and set about cleaning their own bodies.

Rafael, not being as messy as Sonny, rarely as messy as Sonny, finished first and reached for Sonny to help wipe him down. Sonny flinched out of reflex, expecting another tickle. He only got soft strokes and laughing eyes.

“You’re so easy,” Rafael said quietly, practically sniggering.  
  


* * *

  
Sonny fell asleep immediately, hardly saying goodnight to Rafael after he climbed into bed while Rafael was still brushing his teeth. It wasn’t particularly early when they went to bed. He would guess it was just after midnight. But he still woke up to a dark room long before it was really time to get up. He lay on his side, facing away from Rafael. But it felt like Rafael’s eyes were on him. 

He rolled over onto his other side. Rafael was laying on his back, his head turned toward Sonny. It was dark but Sonny could easily make out his face and open eyes. 

“Hey,” Rafael whispered.

“Hey,” Sonny responded. He lifted himself up a bit to see the alarm clock on the night stand past Rafael. 3:12. “You okay? You been awake a while?”

Rafael rolled to his side as Sonny lowered himself back down. Sonny tried to read Rafael’s face. It was hard to tell for sure but he looked peaceful, calm. But also wide awake. He just kept looking at Sonny without any indication that he’d answer.

“Shit, I wasn’t kicking you again, was I?”

Rafael laughed his soft, quiet laugh. “No, Sonny. I’ve been awake. I’m sorry. I must have woken you.”

“Hm,” Sonny mused. “Thinking loud again?”

“Something like that.”

“Want to talk about it?”

“You should go back to sleep,” Rafael told him and he reached his fingers out to start caressing Sonny’s arm soothingly.

“Didn’t answer my question. Besides, I’m awake now.”

Rafael smiled and pulled his hand back to rest under his pillow, propping his head a bit. Sonny just watched him, waited. Finally, Rafael sighed and spoke.

“I don’t know that now is the time.”

Sonny tensed, rolled onto his stomach, and pushed himself up on his elbows. “That’s a shitty thing to say. Now you have to tell me.”

Rafael snorted and reached for Sonny’s closed hand. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m not breaking up with you or anything. Can I talk you into relaxing?”

“Can I talk you into just spitting it out?”

Rafael chuckled again and rolled over onto his back. He stared at the ceiling for a moment before turning his head. He smiled when he saw Sonny looking at him expectantly.

“I’ve been thinking about it a lot. And I only want you. No reason to drag it out. I want us to agree that we’ll be official, exclusive.”

Sonny stared, mouth open, unable to respond.

“What do you say?” Rafael asked quietly.

“I swear to Saint Joseph, Barba, if you are jerking my chain -”

“Hey, wait,” Rafael said, cutting Sonny off and sitting up. He reached over and turned on the light on the nightstand before facing Sonny straight on. “How big of an asshole do you think I am?”

Sonny squinted at the sudden harsh light and he pushed and rotated himself into a sitting position facing Rafael. He looked closely at Rafael’s face. Rafael looked slightly put out but incredibly serious.

“I don’t think you’re an asshole at all. But you gotta admit, it’s a little strange that you didn’t just say this a few hours ago.”

“I had my reasons.”

“Oh yeah?” Sonny responded hotly.

He was agitated, and he wasn’t sure why, but Rafael just looked at him evenly and it wasn’t helping.

“It’d be nice to know, I don’t know, maybe one or two of your reasons,” Sonny finally blurted out, hands gesturing in exasperation.

Rafael looked into his naked lap. Sonny threw his hands in the air and swung his feet to the floor and stood from the bed. Rafael leaned across the bed and grabbed Sonny’s arm. Sonny froze, looking from Rafael’s hand to his face.

“I’m sorry. Again,” Rafael took a deep breath. “I owed it to you to tell you as soon as I knew and I owe it to you to tell you why.” He rubbed his hand up and down Sonny’s bare arm. “Come on, come back to bed,” he encouraged softly, tilting his head up.

Sonny did. He sat facing Rafael again but now Rafael was closer and he reached for one of Sonny’s hands.

“You’re freaking me out, Rafael,” Sonny told him flatly.

Rafael laughed again. “I’m not great with understanding my feelings, much less expressing them.”

“You do great when you’re fucking me.”

Rafael raised an eyebrow at that. “You aren’t helping, Sonny,” he said flirtatiously. And then he paused and considered Sonny. “Wait, I thought you like me talking in bed?”

“Yeah, of course I do. I just,” Sonny thought for a beat. “I just think you might be better at expressing yourself than you give yourself credit for. Maybe you should risk it once in awhile.”

“I’m trying to. Right now.”

Sonny nodded silently and squeezed Rafael’s hand.

“You know I haven’t had a serious relationship in a long time. I’m an old man, set in my ways.” Sonny snorted but Rafael just kept going.

“It’s just been easier to have casual sex without worrying about … entanglements. Until you came along. I told you, tonight, that I haven’t seen anyone else for a year, at least. When it was clear it wasn’t a one off but before we were really seeing each other regularly. Even though we had agreed from the beginning that we weren’t going to be exclusive. Even when our schedules wouldn’t work, it never occurred to me to try to see anyone else.

“Maybe I should have known then. But I didn’t. All the times since then … I don’t even know. And I’ve had a lot of time to think about it, too.”

“You’re rambling,” Sonny told him, gesturing with his free hand for Rafael to get on with it.

“I haven’t been sleeping well since Cole held a gun to your head.”

“Jesus, I never should have told you about that,” Sonny groaned.

“Cause it would have been better for me to find out from Liv?” Rafael asked sarcastically. Sonny rolled his eyes. “I can tell you, it wouldn’t have been better. If I heard it from Liv and couldn't see your face or ... Anyway, being that scared made me know that I only wanted you. ”

“So why didn’t you say so this last week?”

“Was tonight the first time you knew you wanted our relationship to be more serious, more official?” Rafael asked pointedly.

“Well, no, bu-”

“I didn’t want some outside drama to force my hand. So I didn't say it that night. And even though you’ve seemed fine and the drama wasn’t as immediate, I wasn’t sure how to say it.”

Sonny looked at him softly and started rubbing circles over the skin between Rafael’s thumb and forefinger.

“And tonight. Well, I was hard while we were talking.” Rafael smirked. “It felt weird. Even though I knew how I felt, I didn’t want to tell you that while I was hard, like I would be lying to you for sex. Even though I knew it wasn’t a lie.”

Sonny blew out a low whistle and Rafael startled a bit.

“What?” He asked defensively.

“Nah, it’s really very sweet actually. Kinda fucked up and mostly just excuses. But sweet. _Wow_. Who knew?”

Rafael smiled and leaned in to kiss him, but Sonny put a hand up to stop him.

“What about Amanda?”

Rafael’s face closed off. “What about her?”

Sonny burst out laughing and Rafael just scowled harder. “What?”

“I think you’ve answered my question.”

“What?” Rafael demanded even more sharply.

“Amanda kissing me didn’t help give you the courage to finally say you want us to be official?”

“You’re acting like I’ve been leaving you hanging for months.”

Rafael leaned away but Sonny grabbed him by the neck and kissed him. Just a quick kiss, hard and intense, but short lived. Sonny pulled back just as Rafael reached for his shoulders.

“Seriously, though,” Sonny said with a grin. “Amanda. She made you jealous.”

“Yeah, of course she did. I already knew what I wanted. And here she comes along complicating everything.”

“It didn’t have to be complicated,” Sonny pointed out. “You could have just told me.”

Rafael inclined his head and looked up at Sonny, disbelieving. “You were having a freak out. I wasn’t sure what it meant. I had to know that you didn’t have feelings for Rollins first. So that it wouldn’t be in the back of my mind if we did get our acts together.”

“You’re crazy,” Sonny said fondly.

“This is just the beginning of my neuroses, Detective,” Rafael told him dryly. “You’ve been warned.”

Rafael reached for Sonny’s waist and leaned forward to kiss him again.

“You sweet talker,” Sonny joked before their mouths met in a smiling kiss. It quickly turned more passionate as Sonny licked into Rafael’s mouth and Rafael massaged Sonny’s tongue with his own.

Sonny’s hands pushed on Rafael’s chest and rubbed up to pull at his shoulders, unable to get enough of Rafael’s warm skin. Rafael’s hands, meanwhile, were reaching past Sonny’s waist. One hand cradled the small of his back and the other eased down to Sonny’s bare ass, his large hand cupping while a single finger slipped between his cheeks.

“About time,” Sonny whispered as he pulled back.

“I’m sorry,” Rafael responded, breathless. “I wanted you, Sonny, but I couldn’t tell you and I couldn’t be inside you. But now, if you’ll let me.”

Sonny pulled away completely and pushed Rafael roughly to the bed. Rafael smirked and stretched out while Sonny reached for the nightstand on Rafael’s side of the bed to find the lube. He tossed it at Rafael, who caught it easily. The effortless motion turned Sonny on more than he ever would have suspected. Sonny stayed on his hands and knees, turned towards the foot of the bed, and straddled Rafael’s legs.

Rafael groaned and he reached forward to squeeze Sonny’s ass. Sonny leaned back into the touch and he felt his cock twitch hopefully. Rafael gripped Sonny briefly but it felt awkward to Sonny, the angle not quite right. It must have to Rafael as well because he shifted behind Sonny so that he was kneeling with his thighs brushing against Sonny’s legs and ass. He reached around Sonny’s hip to grip him more firmly and pressed his own hard cock to the crease in Sonny’s ass.

“Do you know how bad I want you?” Rafael’s voice was deep and husky.

Sonny just groaned and grinded his ass against Rafael’s hips. Rafael gave Sonny a couple more firm tugs before sitting back on his heels. Sonny heard the lube cap pop open and he felt his thighs shake slightly as he waited for Rafael’s strong fingers.

Instead, Rafael just leaned over his back and whispered in his ear, “Sonny, I want to see you.”

Sonny wasn’t sure when he had ever moved that fast. Before he knew it, he had turned back around and was lying on his back with his head on Rafael’s pillow. He pulled his knees up and let his legs fall open as Rafael knelt near his feet, between his thighs.

Sonny’s hand reached for his own cock, now heavy, his eyes closed. He was expecting to feel Rafael at his entrance but he jolted when he felt a slick hand pumping with his own, easing the way.

Rafael chuckled and gave Sonny a few more slow pulls before he trailed his fingers past Sonny’s balls and down to his asshole. He rubbed around the outside, pushing just a little. Teasing. Sonny opened his eyes to see Rafael watching him, smiling at him.

“God, you’re beautiful.”

And even though Sonny had heard it a thousand times before, it was never this early, not when neither of them were close to coming. And he rarely heard it with Rafael looking Sonny in the eye. Instead, it was usually while Rafael ogled other parts of his body.

Rafael must have seen that realization in Sonny's face. His expression turned soft and he pulled his hand back. Sonny whined before he realized that Rafael was just getting more lube.

“You know I mean that, right? And I meant all the other times I said it?” Rafael asked as he pushed one slick finger into Sonny. “The sex made it easier to say but I never lied.”

Rafael’s finger moved slowly in and out of Sonny and Sonny rocked against him.

“Are you trying to tell me that you really think I’m a slut?” Sonny smirked at Rafael's reddening cheeks. And then moaned when a second finger pressed inside him. Rafael began scissoring and stretching, impatient again.

“You were acting pretty slutty, in the best possible way, the first time I called you that,” Rafael argued. “And when I saw what it did to you, how hot you got. How much you wanted me, wanted to be a slut for me? How could I resist using that kind of dirty talk even more?”

“'A slut for you’? So, your answer is yes, then.” Not a question. Sonny smiled.

“Only in the moment,” Rafael responded, his tone teasing.

Sonny nodded, liking the idea of being Rafael’s _anything_ but unable to point out that it wasn't _only_ in the moment anymore. Not now that they had made their relationship official.

Rafael pressed a kiss to the inside of Sonny's thigh and changed the angle of his hand, finding Sonny’s prostate. Sonny’s hand slipped off himself and he planted his feet and arched off the bed for a moment, then began to grind in earnest against Rafael's fingers, sparks dancing from his feet and up his back.

“You ready for me?” Rafael asked. His third finger was barely slipping in and out to the first knuckle alongside the other two.

“Fuck yeah,” Sonny responded. It was a little less preparation than normal but certainly not the first time they'd fucked after just two fingers.

Sonny drew his knees back to his chest, opening as much as he could. He watched Rafael spread lube on his cock and pump himself to full hardness. It didn’t take long.

Rafael threw Sonny’s right knee over his shoulder and pushed, bringing Sonny’s hips slightly off the bed. With his other hand, he guided himself towards Sonny’s entrance. Sonny felt his hole twitch at contact and judging by Rafael’s grin, he felt it too.

“That’s my good slut,” Rafael purred. Sonny groaned and let his left leg fall open and away from his body as Rafael pushed all the way in.

“Fuck, so tight,” Rafael stopped moving as he bottomed out in Sonny. He reached for Sonny’s face and cupped his cheek. Sonny felt wild eyed and desperate as he soaked up Rafael’s gaze coupled with the steady burn of Rafael thick inside him. He needed more but he couldn't bring himself to rush it.

Rafael leaned down and kissed Sonny, slow at first. His hips began to rock, hardly pulling out at all, just a shallow grind. Sonny’s hands finally got in the action and he dug into Rafael’s lower back, likely scratching as he pulled on him.

Rafael broke the kiss but kept his open mouth just above Sonny’s, breathing heavily as he began to thrust with more force, the slide smooth but still tight. Sonny felt satisfied and full. He pressed wet kisses around Rafael’s lips.

Sonny pulled his hands up to grip at Rafael’s shoulders and then further up to the hair at the nape of his neck. He pulled gently at the hair and Rafael hissed happily into Sonny’s mouth and snapped his hips even harder.

“Yeah,” Sonny encouraged breathlessly, his voice gravelly, his body tightening around Rafael’s cock. He gave another tug that pulled Rafael’s ear down to his lips. “Talk to me, Raf.”

Sonny let go of Rafael’s hair and reached between their bodies, one hand on Rafael's chest and the other reaching for his cock, leaking precome onto his stomach. He pumped in time with Rafael’s thrusts, both of them speeding up.

Rafael pushed himself up and Sonny’s hand fell limply from Rafael’s chest down to his own. Rafael grabbed Sonny’s other leg, hooking the bend of his elbow with the bend of Sonny’s knee and pushed up.

One knee over his shoulder and one at his elbow left Sonny open and his hips higher off the bed. It gave Rafael just the right angle to thrust right into Sonny’s prostate.

Sonny yelled out at the first thrust, the first feel of Rafael pressing perfectly inside him, his voice higher than he would have liked but it seemed to fuel Rafael on.

“That’s it, sweetheart.” Rafael purred, not taking his eyes off Sonny. “So flexible for me. So ready to take my cock.”

Sonny’s entire body felt warm, even with all the blood in his erection. He threw his head back, unable to do anything to help Rafael. Unable to rock back or arch up. He could only stroke himself and feel. It was almost too much, feeling so good, knowing that Rafael couldn’t get enough.

“Don’t you dare come yet,” Rafael warned. Sonny’s eyes snapped up and he was surprised to feel a tear slide down his cheek as he looked up at Rafael.

Rafael smiled tenderly but kept pounding into Sonny. Sonny squeezed himself at the base of his cock to keep from coming.

“We’re going to come together, but not yet,” Rafael panted. Sonny nodded. “God, Sonny, when I do - uh - your ass is going to be so full of my come. There won’t be room for my cock to stay inside you.”

Sonny groaned and his eyes rolled back. He reached for Rafael with his free hand, barely able to rake his dull nails over Rafael’s nipple. Rafael leaned forward just enough to allow Sonny to cling to his chest.

“Then I’m going to eat you out, my little cock slut. My tongue isn’t the same but you won’t be able to take more of my cock - uh - then anyway, will you?”

“Jesus, Rafael. I can’t hold back. I can hardly take it now. Come _on_.”

“You always take it, though, Sonny. So good. So eager. Fuck, and you love my tongue inside you, cleaning you up after you’ve gotten so dirty.”

“Yes,” Sonny agreed, taking in every word, hardly able to wait for Rafael’s mouth even as Rafael pounded into him even harder, his balls slapping against Sonny’s ass.

“Uh - almost there now- yeah,” Rafael gasped. “Not yet - hnng - but al-most.”

Sonny’s hand was flying on his own cock. All technique and finesse out the window. Rafael watched for a moment but his eyes drew back up to Sonny’s face.

“So gorgeous like this. My beautiful boy.” Rafael just looked at him as he continued pounding. Then Sonny saw it and felt it. Rafael’s jaw clenched. His hands tightened on Sonny’s legs. “Come on, Sonny, let go.”

Without even thinking, Sonny’s orgasm ripped through him. His come hit Rafael’s chest first and his ass convulsed around Rafael’s dick. He felt Rafael shudder on the next up stroke and he stayed deep in Sonny, warm come filling him in spurts as Rafael clung to Sonny’s legs. Sonny’s own come splashed across his chest and neck as he stroked his cock through his orgasm.

He felt so dirty. But so right. So good for Rafael. Rafael who was still coming, who let Sonny’s leg drop off his shoulder so he could drag his hand through the come on Sonny's body. Rafael, who groaned and whose body started to go lax above him.

Sonny’s hand dropped away from his dick after his orgasm subsided. Rafael rocked into him a couple more times despite the fact that he was slowly softening. Sonny felt some come leak out of his body and he grinned.

He would never know why he liked getting dirty so much, why he fixated on that. It was no dirtier, technically, than with other partners. It’s not like the two of them came more, or much more, than other people. But Rafael’s mouth made Sonny relish in it. Perhaps because it proved how much Rafael wanted him, or how good Sonny was for Rafael. He knew it helped that Rafael got off on it so much too. Perhaps sharing this kink allowed Sonny to feel connected to Rafael in the only way that still protected Sonny from getting hurt.

Until now. Now they were emotionally connected too. They always had been, to a certain extent, and more so over time, but now they were both admitting to it and they were going to try to make that connection work. For real.

Sonny watched Rafael lick Sonny’s come off his hand with a soft smile on his face. Rafael’s other hand cupped Sonny’s cheek again and his thumb wiped at the dry tear streak on Sonny’s face. Sonny blushed and smiled back.

Rafael slipped out of Sonny and collapsed beside him. Sonny turned his head to look at him as Rafael laughed silently.

“What?” Sonny asked with a bemused smile.

“I’m sorry, Sonny,” he replied, shaking his head. “I’m too damn tired to eat you out.”

Sonny’s laughter rumbled in his chest and came out dark and deep.

“I suppose you’ll have to make it up to me another time.”

Rafael nodded his agreement and rolled off the bed.

“You’re too tired to suck your come from my ass but not to get out of bed?”

Rafael just laughed again and waved a dismissive hand. He slipped into the bathroom and Sonny heard him turn on the sink. He returned quickly with a bowl of warm water and a washcloth. After setting the bowl on the nightstand, he crawled over to straddle one of Sonny’s legs and draped his body over Sonny’s.

He kissed Sonny slowly as he reached under Sonny’s balls and cleaned around his hole, pushing inside just a little. Sonny moaned into the kiss and their tongues pushed against one another. Rafael pulled away to dip the washcloth back in the water. He made short work of cleaning Sonny’s own come off his body and gave Sonny another kiss before he dropped the cloth into the bowl and laid on his back, pressed close to Sonny.

Sonny turned to his side and threw his arm over Rafael’s chest, his leg over one of Rafael’s thighs, loving the feel of Rafael’s chest and leg hair against him. Rafael pulled Sonny’s head onto his shoulder and ran his hands through the back of Sonny’s hair.

“Sonny,” Rafael whispered sleepily.

“Yeah,” Sonny answered just as quietly.

“You make me very happy.” Rafael’s voice was still quiet. But clear. Honest.

Sonny kissed his collarbone, and replied, “You’re not so bad yourself.”

Before he knew it, Rafael’s breathing was deep and even. He was asleep. Sonny followed shortly after him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said above, I knew that writing a relationship like the one I have them in meant that I'd need some smut. I was already coming up with ways to hint at it without writing it. But shortly after posting chapter one, Rafael surprised both Sonny and I with this:
> 
> _“It's not my fault,” Rafael responded nonchalantly, picking at a nail, “that when you're feeling down, your favorite distraction is my dick in your ass.”_
> 
> Turns out I'm easy too because I couldn't _not_ write the sexy times after that. I'm not sure I'll ever be happy with smut I write but I hope it at least didn't make you cringe (too much). 
> 
> As before, feel free to point out any mistakes you notice or share constructive criticism. Thanks again for reading!
> 
> _Edited for typos every time I reread. There are probably still typos. Not great at self-editing._
> 
> ♥ ♥ ♥


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